You say that everybody takes
And you just take it faster
To play with other people's coin
You really seem to master
Will you tell me if you can
How you cut out the middleman?
I pay dues and I pay debt
You just always seem to get
That Five Finger Discount
You just can't do without
That Five Finger Discount

You prey on every legal flaw
That you can find some gain in
The way you sodomize the law
Is really quite amazing
But no one cares
No one feels
Until it is from him you steal
Seems like people of your ilk
Always find a way to milk
That Five Finger Discount

Got the blue collar
Got the white collar
Got the green dollar
Color in their eyes
Some are day-callers
Some are night crawlers
Some are stone wallers
That hide behind a lie
Some are still hitting books
Some are hitting banks
They're hitting below the belt
Some are doctoring books
Some are doctoring crooks
Got their larcenous hooks
Where the pain can be felt
Got their hands in my pocket
Got their gun up my nose
Where it ends no one knows
For the scales of Justice
Appear to have rusted
They're not to be trusted
They're busted for good

You know that you have truly earned
A moving violation
For all the suckers you have burned
You'll feel some dislocation
You had your gall, had your nerve
What you got coming you deserve
Before you leave the human race
I'm gonna offer to you face
My Five Finger Discount